Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
