how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
