she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
