apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
