Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
