Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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