I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
