i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
