guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
