I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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