@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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