we're blogging at a bar
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
