You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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