i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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