it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
