Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
