I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
