I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
