Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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