Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Are we still banned from the library?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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