Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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