do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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