her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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