it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
