I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
