I think my fart just growled at me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
