if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
