I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
