Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
