just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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