My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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