im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
