A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
