are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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