I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
