I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
