I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
