Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
