I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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