Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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