Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
