and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
