yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
