Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
