Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
