Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
