At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
