i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i think i just lost a toe
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
