ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
