I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
