i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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