we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
